


I Bet My Life

by SinfullySimple



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clintasha - Freeform, Coulson really is alive, F/M, Worried!Avengers, but not yet, depressed!Clint, he'll be here soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8238203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfullySimple/pseuds/SinfullySimple
Summary: Phil was dead and Natasha had the Avengers. No one needed him. So Clint left. But when he's away, old memories come up. Song!five "I Bet My Life" by Imagine Dragons. Please R and R. :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another depressing story! Yay me!   
> Lol I'm just kidding.... sort of. I think it'll have a happy ending. Anyways, enjoy!

I know I took the path that you would never want for me

~O~

Clint ran. That was all he could think to do. The one person he trusted the most was gone. Phil Coulson was dead, and he was never coming back. So Clint had decided that his time at S.H.I.E.L.D. was done. Everywhere he went reminded him of Coulson, of Nat, of the three of them in their battle against the world. 

It had always been them; right from the beginning. It had taken almost a year for Coulson to earn his trust, and for Clint to let him in. In all that time, Clint had been hostile, mean, and silent. Then on a mission in Cairo, which had ended with Clint getting captured, Coulson had come back for him. 

He wasn’t supposed to. It was protocol. If an agent got captured, and there was no way out without losing more lives than protocol thought ok, the agent was to be disowned and left behind without another thought. But Coulson hadn’t done that. 

He had come back for Clint single handedly. Going through the compound, and almost getting himself killed. All for Clint. 

That was when Clint realized that he wasn’t bluffing about never leaving him behind. That he wasn’t bluffing when he said that he would never abandon him. That he wasn’t bluffing when he said that he could actually find a real home at S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Then Natasha had come into their little team, and although it had taken some adjustments, they got used to her, and it became all three of them against the world. A little band of misfits and crazies against everything that was bad in the world. Clint and Phil worked together for almost six years, and the three of them worked together for almost four. 

Then Phil died because of Clint. He had let Loki onto the helicarrier, and it caused him one of the only people in the world that he trusted. That he treated like family. 

He knew Phil wouldn’t want him to do this. Wouldn’t want him to run away from his problems. From S.H.I.E.L.D.. From his home. But his mind couldn’t think of any other solution. 

So that’s what he did. 

He distance himself from everyone, and reverted back to his old ways. He became harsh and closed in on himself. He spent a week making a letter for Natasha, and then left in the middle of the night without a trace. Left all the Avengers to figure out just how exactly he had snuck out and disappeared. He wanted to stay. But he couldn’t. 

I’m sorry Phil. He thought. But I just can’t do it. 

~O~

I know I let you down, didn’t I?


	2. Nights Are Kings

So many sleepless nights where you were waiting up on me

~O~

Clint woke up shaking with beads of sweat rolling down his face and body. His scream woke up everyone, but they shook it off like they always did. Coulson on the other hand did not shake off the fact that Clint screamed. He, like any good father would, ran into the room to check up on his scared child. Coulson sat down onto the bed next to the crying twenty-year old. 

“Clint?” Coulson coed as he took the boy’s hand into his own trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. Coulson was probably the only one who could to talk to the boy.

“Their back and won’t leave!” Clint bawled into the bed sheets on his bed as he couldn’t stop the tears that fell out of his eyes that was an overflowing lake. 

“Who is back?” Coulson asked as he grabbed a tissue as he offer it to Clint who gladly took it from his hand. 

Clint explained to Coulson that he a nightmare about the time he was captured, and what he saw there. What those people did was ruthless and cruel. Those images forever a scar in his head that wouldn’t leave ever. Even if he tried to get rid of them they would always come back.

“Clint they're gone! You’re safe with us here at S.H.I.E.L.D. where we will always have your back.” Coulson handed him the one hundredth tissue making the small blue floral box empty.

Clint told Coulson he was fine as the tears stopped falling, and he slowly felt better. Clint stood up out of his bed so he now looked out the window towards the city. He could help others even if it meant dying. In order to do so he could no longer be a slave to all of this. He needed to have a free mind so he could help others like how Coulson helped him.

*****************************

Clint woke up in the hotel room. That night had been the first time he had cried since before he had gone to the carnival. Phil had been there for him when he had needed it the most. The mission that he had dreamed of that night was one of the worst in his career. 

They had sent him to Pairs to infiltrate an underground facility that had a group growing in it that was similar to Hydra back in the 40’s. When Clint had got there, as soon as he went into the building his comms had jammed and he had been ambushed. All of which he would have been fine with if it wasn’t for what they did after. 

See, he was trained to withstand torture; as well as he had built up an immunity to scare tactics. So, when they brought him into an interrogation room, he was ready. Ready for the torture and the pain. But they hadn’t tortured him. 

Three children under the age of fifteen died that night. All because he wouldn’t- couldn’t- give up the information that they wanted. Some of it he didn’t even know. When Coulson had finally gotten a team in there, Clint was so shut off that it had taken two weeks for him to even speak again. 

But Coulson had been there for him. The whole way, and never once judged him for crying or anything. Was just there. And Clint hadn’t known how to thank him. 

But now he was gone. 

Clint ended up crying that night again. He cried for his lost friend and for the friends he had left behind. 

He did not sleep again that night. 

~O~

Well I'm just a slave unto the night


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I'm so infrequent with updates, I think I will forever and always be. So sorry! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter, it isn't beta'd so if you see any mistakes, just let me know. Thanks and enjoy!

Now remember when I told you that’s the last you’ll see of me

~O~

Clint sat in the undescribed Honda Civic as he waited for the light to change. There had been a manhunt for him going on for two days, which had it made it really hard to stop as he was so easily recognized now. But, he had managed. He turned as he slowly pulled into the parking lot of a run down hotel. 

He had realized that the more run down, the better chance he had at being ignored. Unfortunately, his nearest safehouse was at least another eight hours away, and Clint had been driving for the last ten. So, he was forced to stop in this muggy, rundown, horrible hotel. 

Once Clint had gotten in his room (which he picked) he set his bag down so he could check the bed; making sure that it was clean enough to sleep in. When he had deemed that it was indeed sleepable, Clint quickly laid down as he slowly closed his eyes letting the exhaustion take over. 

The only downside to sleeping… dreaming. 

************************

Clint had just come back from a mission and he was getting ready to go on another one. He had disobeyed direct orders from Coulson to just get the information; which meant nothing else. But, Clint being Clint, had gone in and saved the lives of three men. The only problem was that he had disobeyed direct orders from his commanding officer; something that was not looked upon to kindly. 

He was unpacking his bag when his handler came in. The one and only, Phil Coulson. 

“What the hell was that Barton?!” He snapped, his voice sharp as a knife. “I gave you a direct order and you went and disobeyed it? You know better than that!”

“With all do respect sir,” He said, not even looking up from his unpacking and repacking. “I saved the lives of three men today without failing the mission. I knew what I was doing, even without you feeding me information through the comms. I knew what I was supposed to do, but it was an honest opportunity to save three men’s lives. I don’t regret my actions sir.” 

Coulson looked at him for a moment. He was tired which made him done with anything he had to deal with at the moment, and he really just wanted to go down the hall one door to his bunk and fall asleep. But he couldn’t do that now because had to deal with Barton, and the mound of paperwork that this incident had put on his desk. Not to mention the bribing to get Clint to not lose his job. “Barton,” He said. “You were given a direct order. You are to follow those, no matter what.” He turned away, looking back at the door. “You know, sometimes I wonder why I even put up with you.” 

As soon as he said it he regretted it. 

Barton had been left behind, abandoned, used, and beaten to many times in his short twenty two years. What Phil had just said conveyed that Phil didn’t want him either. Something that Phil would regret the rest of his life. 

“Barton, I didn’t mean that.” 

But it was too late, Clint’s mask was in place, and he had finished packing. Unfortunately this mission required him to just help out a team, and Phil would not be going. 

He quickly followed him out into the hallway, keeping pace with him. “Barton wait!” 

Clint whirled around, anger clear on his face. “No Coulson.” He said, his voice filled with anger and betrayal. “I will not wait. Why would I wait!? You want nothing to do with me, remember? I don’t have to wait for you. Besides, you aren't even on this mission. Go get your beauty sleep.” He turned and started walking away. “And don’t worry,” He called over his shoulder. “You’ll never have to see me again. I’ll put in my resignation.” 

And with that, he disappeared into the crowd.

***********************

It was two weeks later that he heard the news. Agent Clint Barton had been officially declared killed in action.

When he first heard it, he was in shock, unable to do anything. But then it all set in, and he quickly went to his bunk room. And there, he cried.

~O~

Remember when I broke you down to tears

~O~

He had ended up coming back three days later, much to everyone's surprise. He had been captured, but had gotten away, and hightailed it to the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. Base. 

Later him and Phil made up, but it was a rough time in their friendship. 

********************

Clint woke up barely four hours later, his pillow wet, and he moved on. Leaving the hotel, and driving on to wherever he could.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here is another instlement! Sorry it took so long! Enjoy!

I know I took the path that you would never want for me

~O~

As Clint pulled into the parking spot, he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. He had been looking for a place to eat for the last two hours, and he was really hungry. So, when he saw the sign for the Pub and Bar, he took it. Maybe he could even get a hotel by there and just drown out his memories that keeped seeming to surface. Just last night he had had one about the first time him and Natasha had kissed. That had been one of the best nights of his life. 

He had also had the few random ones, and of course the nightmares. In his line of work those would never go away. No matter how much he ran. 

He had officially been on the run for about a week now, and the manhunt had been going on for a good five days. The good thing was that he was in a place where nobody really cared. He was good at finding those places it seemed. 

As he got his table and sat down in the far corner facing the door, he couldn’t help thinking of the times when Phil, Natasha, and him came to dingy bars so that they could get a minute of peace. All the times where Natasha and him snuck off base, going against orders, just to go and get a drink or a decent meal. Or the times before Natasha when Phil and him had had a bad mission, and they would come and drown themselves in drinks. Well, Clint thought, at least I would do it. Poor Coulson would have haul my ass back to base and deal with me in the morning when I had a hangover. 

The waiter came over, and he ordered his drink and a hamburger with fries. Nothing too fancy, but it would keep him running for another good day or so incase he couldn’t stop. When his drink came, his mind started to wonder, and he cursed himself as his mind went to one particular memory.

*********************** 

He was in an alley, walking away from the scene he had just created. He had just finished his 150th hit, and he was planning on going back to the hotel that he was staying at, and getting out the bottle of Vodka he had. He didn’t feel that he could do anything else, do any better. He was a killer. A stoned cold killer, and he didn’t care. He didn’t. 

He was about halfway through the alley when a man in a suite stepped in front of him. He look honestly like an accountant. 

“Clint Barton?” The man asked in a distinctly American accent. 

Clint shook his head. “You’ve got the wrong man.” He said, putting on as thick of an accent he could manage. 

“You may have not used that name in in over a year, but we both know that’s not true Barton.” The accountant guy replied. “Now, just come with me and we can have a chat.”

Clint shook his head and let out a breathy laugh. He had been up for five days straight between staking his target, negotiating, and nightmares. He was exhausted and running on fumes; all he wanted to do was get back to the hotel. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.” 

The guy had the nerve to smile. “It wasn’t a request. Please come peacefully.”

“Why are you here? What do you want?”

“I want to give you a chance.” 

“A chance at what?” Clint retorted. 

“A chance at a new life.” 

Clint snorted. He knew he was being joked with now, and he really needed to get out of the situation. “Look, since you know so.much about me, you must know what I do for a living. So I would suggest moving out of my way before someone gets hurt.” 

The guy just smiled. “Come on Barton.” 

*************************************

As he recalled, after getting his butt handed to him by the old man, he had agreed to join S.H.I.E.L.D.. He was hostile and untrusting of even Coulson for almost 9 months. And only then did he start to trust Coulson. 

He learned that even if Coulson was exhausted, he would stay up with Clint to help him get through his nightmares, guilt, and even trauma. 

He gave him a lot of bull crap stuff, but for some reason, the man   
wouldn't leave his side. That's when he realized that no matter what he gave him, Coulson would always be there for him. The father he never had. 

Or so he thought.

~O~

I gave you hell through all the years


End file.
